Teaching Our Youth in the Dating Years

by David V. Hurst

Most of us (given a few years) as parents have been asked, "how do you know when you are in love?  Is there such a thing as "love at first sight"? Is it proper for two young people before they marry to care for one another and want to be with one another?" These are fair questions and ones that deserve good specific answers.  The Song Of Solomon is an excellent tool to help our young during  the dating years (as well as helping Husband and wife retain the romance in their relationship), if it is studied properly. In this article, we wish to encourage all along with our children's education on the spiritual and scholastic fronts, to provide a healthy dose of teaching the proper dating love.  hat is, what does such love think?  How does such love act? We also want to encourage you to study the Song of Songs.

Without going into detail, the Song of Songs addresses several facets of dating love. For example, one of the things that we can learn from the book is that a "longing for intimacy" is a normal facet of dating love.  As I understand the book, in the Song we see a girl who thinks of her "friend" (boy) by day and dreams of him by night.  They are evidently betrothed as they refer to one another as "spouse". Therefore, in this love poem, we find candid expressions of love between a man and woman who want to be with one another because they care for one another. There is absolutely nothing wrong with such feelings and thoughts. However, there is a danger; that is, we may allow such thoughts and feelings to become lust instead of love. In those instances, our thoughts will move to areas forbidden by God. Further, unlike the interpretations of a godless world, the Song of Solomon does not endorse wrong or lustful sexual activities.

It is gravely important to teach our young about man and woman. For example, teach them that when God made Adam, Adam saw that out of all nature there was not one creation suitable for him. Yet, he wanted someone for him; suitable to his own make-up. God made woman; help meet. God made men and women to compliment one another. Therefore, there is nothing wrong with seeking companionship in another; in one person in particular. 

It is true, of course, that sin disturbed and distorted this wonderful relationship God created, and sin still does.  Nevertheless, it was "not good" for the man to be alone.  God fashioned a woman from the rib of man as a helper suitable for him. God brought her to the man, and the man recognized that  she corresponded to him. God instructed them to cleave to one another, and they did so without inhibitions (Gen.2:18-25).  God made us this way.

 Like Adam, we still long for intimacy; that is, most of us desire another person of the opposite sex with whom we correspond, with whom we can be together, with whom we can share our thoughts, dreams and fears, and to whom we can cleave. This is what dating years should give us time to learn about another. It is much of what dating is all about. 

We date in friendship as we properly look for that one person with whom we want to share and trust our most intimate feelings. Again, the Song of Solomon shows there is nothing wrong with longing for such a person, or specific person. This intimacy in courting is properly reflected in the Song of Songs.    It teaches what godly romance should really be. "Courting romance" is not and never has been sexual infatuation.    Rather, it  is agape love and devotion.

This is not widely taught today. Whether through "soaps", "kids at school", parents, or even health "experts"; our young are being taught that romance is sexual exploration (or even exploitation).  Unblushed, our society openly declares that romance is mostly sexual and that it is something acceptable for adolescents, so long as they "protect" themselves. Our young people are being taught that it is proper to find themselves at "inspiration points", "lover's lanes", or a dozen other secluded spots to engage in unchaste handling (lasciviousness). Seemingly, few know little about genuine romance.   Further, they have less respect for truth (cf. Heb. 13:4). We need to protect our youth; teach them.  Also, in our teaching, consider that due to sin (and our culture's innuendo jokes or vulgarity), we may often "feel" embarrassed to speak about subjects or teachings that our God does. If we don't,  we end up with ignorant youth who don't know how to "think" and will often "act" out of harmony with God's teaching.  Then, the real embarrassment will come; and worse, sin.

In dating years, most of us want our children to know what "wrongful lust, lascivious, and fornication" specifically are. However, as our young find themselves  having thoughts and longing for the companionship of another, it is important that we also teach (and have taught) and study as to what is proper for one's heart to hold. It is significant that the Bible acknowledges this and puts into print teaching concerning these feelings that we may understand how we should think and act.  God knows all about us. He made us.  Study the Song of songs and then take it to teach your youth that they may live Christ filled lives.

 

 

 

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