This word used to call to mind “breaking up a home,” and with it trauma,
unhappiness and all manner of problems. Today, however, it is so commonplace
that it rarely raises and eyebrow. There is no need to overwhelm you with
statistics in order to prove that nearly half of all marriages end in
divorce. Personal evidence may be sufficient. It is probably safe to assume
that you have in some manner been touched by divorce, whether friends,
family or perhaps yourself.
Lord’s teaching that marriage is permanent and man is NOT to separate what
God has joined together
divorce continues unabated. The only exception to the Lord’s no divorce
policy is sexual immorality (fornication) according to
But, did you know that adultery is NOT the reason most couples divorce?
Surveys indicate that incompatibility, financial problems, sexual
inadequacy, mental and/or physical abuse, no longer in-love, or loving
someone else are the leading factors resulting in divorce. Regardless of the
name put on the reason for seeking a divorce, the real incentive is
selfishness. People divorce for selfish reasons.
school administrator walked out of her 19-year marriage because she felt her
husband was “boring, uneducated, and unmotivated.” Now she wanted someone
who was “an intellectual dynamo, and successful in his career.” Her divorce
was about her, not her husband. She acted out of selfishness!
incompatibility and sexual inadequacy are code words for selfishness.
Incompatibility says, “YOU are not like ME.” Or, “Our love life is the pits
because YOU don’t know how to please ME.” How we see our partners often
depends more on how WE are than how THEY are. For example, before they
married she thought he was unselfish, considerate and smelled of cologne.
But after marriage all he wants to do is watch TV and he smells like
Doritos. In her view, he has gone from Stud to Dud. Before they married he
thought she was a knockout, now to him she looks like she has been
knocked-out. Self-centeredness is slowly suffocating this marriage.
Selfishness is about commitment to ME, love of ME, serving ME and it will
destroy any marriage despite God’s prohibitions against divorce.
members of churches of Christ lagged far behind the general population in
the number of divorces sought. Still behind, the gap is shrinking.
Preachers, elders, deacons and bible class teachers are joining the ranks of
the divorced. Men and women are walking away from the vows they exchanged
even though they know full well the bible forbids divorce. Selfishness is
driving men and women to solve their perceived problems by divorcing. Change
partners, like changing a shirt one no longer likes.
When a man
ceases making marriage about him, and begins to make it about his wife – his
marriage will less likely end in divorce. When a woman stops demanding her
marriage center on her and begins to focus on her husband, her marriage will
less likely be ended by divorce. Paul said, “Let each of you look out not
only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.”
This is excellent medicine for any marriage, including yours.
Love is doing
just that. “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not
parade itself, is not puffed up . . .”
(1 Cor 13 4).
Love is not something that you find, fall in or fall out of. Love is in you,
and you can learn to love another human being, if you take the time to do
it, and if you have the desire to do it. If people would stop dwelling on
themselves and begin to dwell on the spouse, soon they could rekindle the
love that was once there, or always wish had been there.
possible to keep your marriage together and keep it happy. Always have the
intention of being together for life. Do not let anything or anyone change
that determination. Also, give yourself completely to your partner, body,
mind and being. If your marriage bed is unfulfilling this is something that
can and must be corrected (the bible calls this sin in
1 Cor 7:1-5).
Talk about it with your husband/wife. Solve it the way God says solve it.
Love your mate
unconditionally and with an unselfish heart. Look out for the well-being of
your partner and not yourself. Take time to enjoy every minute together, you
may not have tomorrow. You are one flesh, so become one every day.
men and women pour themselves into caring for a disabled or dying partner.
No task it too great, no chore too disgusting. No complaining, no moaning
and no regrets – just complete serving. This doesn’t just happen. Those who
care for a dying spouse with patience, love and tenderness do so with the
same devotion they had before the illness invaded. This fidelity comes from
selflessness and not selfishness.
Other Articles by Connie W. Adams
Her Sins Have Reached Unto
Divine Authority and the
The Trend Among the Young
Old Song, New Singers
Lest Anyone Should
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