The Grudge Holder

by Dan S. Shipley
 

The grudge-holder suffers from an unusual kind of wound. Although his grudge is related to a past conflict with another, it is a wound that is self-inflicted. Remarkably, its healing is hindered in not being desired. In fact, grudge holding is actually a cherished spirit of resentment; a welcomed feeling of ill will toward another. You might say the grudge holder is glad to be mad at someone.

One thing you will never see is a happy grudge-holder. His mind is forever troubled because the object of his grudge becomes the object of his thinking. He continually rehearses and relives his mistreatment—perhaps even magnifying it. With each recollection comes more bitterness and resentment, if not self-pity. Harboring a grudge defiles the heart, poisons the thinking and produces misery. The grudge-holder will be hard put to "rejoice in the Lord" as encouraged in Phil. 3:1—because "as he thinketh in his heart, so is he" (Prov. 23:7).

Jesus taught that the "things which proceed out of the mouth come forth out of the heart..." (Matt. 15:18). The grudge in the heart soon translates to words in the mouth and to the detriment of many. As the grudge-holder vilifies and speaks evil of his brother, he sins against God (Jas. 4:11), hurts himself, hurts his brother, and hurts those he tells. But it gets worse.

Grudges can easily become the wedges of division. As the tongue advertises the grudge-holder's grievances in search of sympathy and allies, some are apt to be influenced and prejudiced — especially family and friends. Their thinking and conduct toward the perpetrator of this "great injustice" are adversely affected and, thus, others become involved in a way that threatens unity in the church. As Paul said, "...a little leaven leaveneth the whole lump" (1 Cor. 5:6). Many churches have been made to suffer unnecessary and irreparable harm through the influence of grudge-holding brethren.

None is more deceived than the Christian who thinks he can hold a grudge without jeopardizing his soul. Calling it something else doesn't remove the problem. Even when it may not be all that apparent, we can be tempted to harbor a deep-seated kind of resentment and bitterness toward others. We must be honest with ourselves. God says to put away ALL bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and malice (Eph. 4:31). Do we believe it? Do we do it?

Finally, no matter how justifiable the grudge may seem, it is always an expression of contempt and hate. God commands us to love one another (Jn. 15:12; 1 Jn. 3:11; 4:7)—even enemies (Matt. 5:44). The grudge condemns; love forgives. "Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you" (Eph. 4:32).

Forgiveness—man's greatest blessing—how desperately we need it, yet the grudge-holder would forfeit it by withholding it from others. Brethren, let's get grudges out of our hearts and out of the church!

Other Articles by Dan Shipley
Our Way Day by Day
A Healthy Church
 

 

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