Several years ago I saw a comic strip in
which a little boy was asking his mother, "Why did we get daddy?" Some
little people even if they had the mature intellect of adults, might
feel like asking a similar question because they are ignored by their
father. He does not, in some cases seem to be a working member of the
team. His time is dedicated to his business, his recreation, and only to
those things that interest him. This is unfortunate. He could and should
be a very precious and much loved member of the family.
"If any provide not for his own, and
specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is
worse than an infidel" (1 Tim. 5:8). A man who adequately provides the
things that money can buy for his wife and children must work with
diligence. This is no easy task. Food, clothing, shelter, medical needs,
and reasonable social affairs are expensive. The able bodied man who is
not willing to toil to provide for these things has revolted against
God's law and is worse than an infidel. Some seem to prefer to beg or
steal rather than to earn these necessary things. There are a few drones
that seem not to know what is going on about them. They can have large
families, but the wives and children must provide for themselves. This
is a repulsive sight.
Some men in our generation amass fortunes
and seek to buy the loyalty of their children. They allow them to have
and spend great sums of money. This extreme is dangerous. Such children
may develop such drug habits and life styles that even their large money
supply is not adequate to fulfill their demands. Crime, immorality, and
dishonesty may cause them to become a curse to their families and to
society in general.
A Gift of Time
There is great need for a father's wisdom in
providing for the necessities of his children and also providing the
love, counsel, and oversight that will help them to learn to properly
use what they have. Time is one of the greatest gifts a man could have
for his children. A father should be a very good friend to each of his
children. Each will delight in early childhood to have his attention as
evidence of his love. If he listens to his child and talks to his child
of things that interest the little one, a close tie between the two is
developed. This close contact can be maintained by the wise father so
that the older son or daughter will see no communication or generation
gap later. This is the id-al and it is well worth the effort and the
cost in time. Children need to be fed and clothed, but they also need to
be trained. "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is
old, he will not depart from it" (Prov. 22:6). Example is an essential
element in the training process. We actually show them how they ought to
live. We cannot send our influence the right way while we go the wrong
way in our own lives.
A Good Example
The alcoholic's family often suffers much
because of the irritable nature of the slave of alcohol. Some who drink
become very irritable while under the influence. Their children are also
sometimes made to suffer for lack of food, clothing, and other things
that money can buy because the bread winner buys liquor first and then
does not have enough left to provide for those who have a right to look
to him for support.
It is difficult for me to understand why a
son or daughter of an alcoholic father or of alcoholic parents will
follow in the steps of these slaves, but many of them do follow the
unfortunate example of their parents. Why do they form the habit that
will cause their children to suffer as they have had to do? Example is a
powerful force. Fathers should take more thought to the examples they
are setting before their families.
The unholy family environment may be such
that the only contact the children may have with others will be with the
wrong kind of companions. Their associates may tend to be those that
tolerate the liquor habit. Each child may start the habit by taking the
first drinks with the full confidence that he will not continue in that
way. The alcoholic tends to bring forth children after his kind. This is
true of addicts of all harmful drugs.
Parents who are vulgar blasphemers may see
their children become just as vulgar and irreverent as they are.
Dishonest parents are likely to have dishonest children. This is true so
often that the public may penalize worthy sons of an unworthy father.
The family name may carry a certain stigma with it. We should all be
watchful and ready to encourage that young man who is worthy of a good
name.
We have taken several words to say that a
father should leave a good example and, therefore, a good name for his
children. Money cannot replace that precious right. Some unholy fathers
do provide money but not the good example. They are not able to give
good, meaningful advice. Good advice is in harmony with the conduct of
the one who gives it. We cannot send our influence one way while we go
another.
Teaching God's Word
The tongue is a little member, but it boasts
great things. The teaching is not only by example. Many things need to
be said in teaching the basic principles or righteousness so that the
young can learn to make their own decisions. The gospel is taught by
word of mouth. The love of God, the message and example of Christ, the
word of the Spirit, and the hope of heaven are taught by word of mouth.
Very many fathers fail miserably to bring their children "up in the
nurture and admonition of the Lord" (Eph. 6:4). Comparatively few have
the great advantage that Timothy had in being associated with his
wonderful mother and grandmother (2 Tim. 1:5; 3:14, 15). Nothing is said
of his father to indicate that he took his part in the training of the
child. Too many fathers leave the spiritual training to the mothers, and
that is not what the Lord intended. The father is to take his place as
head of the home and guide in the training in spiritual things as well
as in physical things. Why are there not more ,fathers who will do so?
For a life to be exemplary the good pattern
must be continuing action. There is to be that day by day pattern before
the growing children. The instruction is also to be on a continuing
basis. Repetition is one of the laws of learning. A point of precious
truth should be mentioned over and over on different occasions. By this
means, and only by this means, can it be deeply implanted into the mind
of the child. Let every father who is a Christian understand that
training his child by word and by example is a very important part of
his responsibility. It is also his wonderful privilege.
Let every non-Christian father realize that
he is standing in the way of his children's obedience to God. "He that
is not with me is against me; and he that gathereth not with me
scattereth abroad" (Matt. 12:30). It seems that some fathers who golf on
Sunday or do other things that satisfy themselves have convinced
themselves that they can turn all of the religious training of the
children over to their wives. They do not forbid their worshiping and
they make their transportation available, and then they feel that they
have fulfilled their responsibility to the family. Have they forgotten
the power of their example? The small children may gladly go with their
mother, but as young adults they may demonstrate the power of a father's
example. A man should obey God because of his love for God and for his
own salvation. As an added motive he should obey God in every way as a
proper pattern for his children.
The devout father who spends much time
working to provide for the needs of his family and in training his
children by word and example is a great man who can and will be happy in
the results of his labors. Whether or not he prospers financially or is
prominent in the affairs of this life, he can be great in the eyes of
God and in the eyes of his children, if he is successful in being a good
father and a worthy Christian. The requirements for these things are not
fame nor fortune. These things require faithful dedication to the ideals
that are most important.
Ruling His House
Evidently a man is not a good example as a
father if he is not willing to work to provide for his own. (See 1 Tim.
5:8; 1 Thess. 4:11, 12; 2 Thess. 3:8-12.) It is also evident that he
needs to provide the proper guidance and discipline for his children.
(Read Heb. 12:5-11; Prov. 13:24;, 22:6, 15; 29:15-17.) It is true that
there is some "know how" involved in fulfilling these responsibilities.
In giving the qualifications of elders Paul listed: "One who ruleth well
his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity: (for
if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of
the church of God?)" (1 Tim. 3:4, 5).
Do you know how to rule your own house? If
not, you need to learn because there is great need that the job be
accomplished. "Correct thy son, and he will give thee rest; yea, he
shall give delight unto they soul" (Prov. 29:17). It is possible to
discourage and frustrate a child rather than discipline. Discipline is
not child abuse, but some fathers do become abusive in what they call
discipline. "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be
discouraged" (Col. 3:21). Of course, a child may cry when properly
disciplined, but he is not to be harassed, frustrated, and made sullen
by the actions of a tyrant who is called a father. Too much money and
discipline that is too harsh and unreasonable may do much harm. Use all
the wisdom you have in your effort to be a good and worthy father who
will succeed in this very great undertaking.
The Christ taught His disciples to think of
God as Father. His disciples are children of God. The father and child
relationship is expected to be very close. It is a very unnatural and
repulsive thing to learn of men who not only neglect but even abuse
their children. We learn of very small children who have broken bones
and other serious injuries received from men who should be worthy to be
called fathers. Alcohol and other drugs may be the most common cause of
this cruelty from people who were created to be in the image of God. Men
who have so completely ignored their role as fathers are more like
unreasonable beasts who shall utterly perish in their own corruption. In
their destroying they shall surely be destroyed. The role of the father
is to provide for, protect, train, and love their children. They are the
people to whom the children may turn for security and other special
needs.
Very dedicated parents often wonder how they
should answer and what they should do on various occasions as their
little ones come with their questions and problems. Being filled with a
great love for the children and with a great respect for and knowledge
of the Bible will help them find the proper answers and make their right
decisions in matters that involve these dependent souls. Each has a soul
worth more than the world itself, because the spirit goes back to God in
death and will not be destroyed when the elements are melted with
fervent heat.
Our materialistic America is very well
acquainted with the idea of a return on an investment. The matter of
sowing and reaping is involved in our relationships in the home and with
our neighbors and brethren. "Inasmuch as you have done it unto one of
the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me" (Matt. 25:40).
"Whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it
were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, end
that he be drowned in the depth of the sea" (Matt. 18:6). Physical death
is not as bad as that which is to come to a father who is the real
stumbling stone of his own children. He must give account for his
behavior in his own family, as well as in other aspects of life.
"Give, and it shall be given to you; good
measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men
give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it
shall be measured to you again" (Luke 6:38). This great principle of
sowing and reaping certainly applies to a father and his children. The
man who has won the respect and love of his children has insurance for
times of sickness and in his old age that no insurance company has to
offer. He gives when they need him, and they give when he needs them.
Some parents who seem to have tried hard to
be what they should be to their children have their hearts broken by the
ungodliness and immorality of their children. All of us should try to
help them bear their sorrow. There are many influences that are brought
to bear on children other than the wholesome influence of parents who
are Christians. As children grow up they come to have responsibilities,
too. Sin that destroys them also harms those who have loved them and
sacrificed for them. Our unbelieving and ungodly world has many broken
hearts.
Conclusion
The right kind of a father is a good
husband, a good neighbor, a good, citizen, and a good member of the
church. In his being a good example to his children he proves or
demonstrates "that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God" in
all these relationships. If a man mistreats his wife or is unfaithful to
her he is certainly not a good father. Neither he, his wife, nor his
children has a good home if he is not a good husband and father.
Guardian of Truth - May 19, 1983
Other Articles
by Irven Lee
There Arose a
Generation
Are
They Spiritually Minded?
An
Undeclared War
The Profitable Word
Attitudes Leading to Apostasy
Discipline in the Home
Terms of Membership
- Caffin,
B.C. (1950), II Peter – Pulpit Commentary, H.D.M. Spence
and Joseph Exell, eds. (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans).
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